Where to start.....
Two and a half years ago I was a newlywed, I had a great paying job (notice I didn't say I loved the job), we owned our own home and had a bunch of little fur babies. We were settled, happy. We decided on our honeymoon that we would stop using protection and let things run their course. We had been together for 3 years prior to getting married so we were ready. We returned home from our honeymoon and settled into our nice life. Our weekend consisted of mowing the lawn, washing our cars, hanging out with friends. Everything was peachy. A year pasts and still no news on the baby making. No worries, it will happen when it happens. Sean (my husband) started making comments about us moving. He was feeling that he wasn't going anywhere at his current job and didn't think Colorado was where he wanted to be. I was scared, I had lived in Colorado the majority of my life. It was home. My dad being military, the family was spread all over. My sister was graduating from college in WA state so we flew down so be there. A few months after got home Sean mentioned again that he wanted to move, so I said okay, if you want to move the only place I would consider moving to is Washington. Fast forward a couple weeks, my sister calls and says her work has an opening for an administrative assistant job and she recommended me. Her bosses were so happy with her they called me for an interview and hired me on the spot. Sean and I discussed it and decided we were going to take the plunge. Within 2 weeks I had quit my current job, packed up the house and fur babies and began our journey. Our house was put up for sale, but because of the economy it was on the market for 9 months before we decided to try and rent it out. We were hurting really bad financially. I took a $6 pay cut to take this job, which was a huge concern for us, but we reviewed our finances and knew that if Sean transferred with his current job and then looked for a new one we would be okay. Turns out his job wouldn't transfer him. He ended up working for Kraft foods stocking shelves at 6 in the morning. He hated it! Because our house was on the market so long, we ended up staying with my Aunt in Tacoma. This I believe is where the trouble started.
We moved into my Aunts house in October 08, by February I found out I was expecting with a due date of October 16, 2009. A few months after I found out, we discovered my dads cancer had come back and they gave him 2 years. Because of his situation, the Army agreed to PCS him to WA so he could be close to my sister and I. They bought a house and Sean and I moved in with them. Now that our house was being rented we had more of an income coming in, but we had gotten behind so much that we were having trouble getting caught up. During this time, Sean and I began fighting more and growing more distant. To me it seems that he only wanted to be physical. He threatened to leave me when I was few months pregnant because I never wanted to have sex anymore. He apologized later that day and said he needed to work on some things, but we continued to spiral downward. I tried so hard during this time to make him happy, if he wanted something I would do my best to get it for him. I believed that no matter how much we fought we would get through anything. He kept making comments about wanting to move back to Colorado, and I kept ignoring them thinking it will get better. I refused to move back to Colorado because for one, I all ready packed up my life once and moved for him. I settled in, and now that my dad and mom moved here I couldn't imagine leaving. Logan was born on October 19, 2009. He is the love of my life and nothing means more to me than him. I still tried to rekindle my relationship with Sean but he just wasn't accepting anything I would do. He constantly said he was depressed and hated his life, etc. Then I saw a message on his phone from his ex-girlfriend (this is a whole other story) about how they talk about sex all the time and he said he wanted her titties. I hate that word by the way. I brought this up to him and he just kind of ignored it. I chose to ignore it as well, and figured I would try harder. I kept asking him to stop talking to her as she does not need to be a part of our lives and he never really said that he would. The holidays roll around and on Christmas he spent more time with my younger cousins than he did me. On Christmas Day, I had just had my first period in almost a year, it leaked all over my pants and I was just insanely uncomfortable. After my parents and sister left, I started packing up Logan, and then get a rude response from Sean saying, "We are leaving?" My reply, "Well I want to." The younger kids and my uncle's were all going bowling and he wanted to go. That was so far from something I wanted to do. After a few little spats I said Go. I felt like a complete ass because he made it seem like I didn't want to be around my family. My aunt said she would take me home, but I refused to make her drive me 30 minutes home. I would wait for Sean. They were supposed to get home by 7:30 PM, but decided they were going to play a few more games. They didn't get home until almost 9, at which point, Sean comes in and starts talking to the kids again. I sat there for maybe 10 minutes waiting for him to get ready to leave when he decides to go upstairs and play Xbox. Seriously!! So I go up there and say can we please leave, his reply, "Oh you want to leave.?" Seriously!! Things seemed to get a little better after that until I pulled up my computer to get on Facebook and saw some messages between him and someone I know. Curiosity got the better of me and I read what they were talking about. I won't go into detail, but it was inappropriate for a married man with a kid to be saying. I said, why are you talking to her this way. He seemed quit shocked that I had seen it and didn't make one comment. I felt like I wanted to throw up. I was so disgusted and hurt by it. I could not just ignore it so I went and talked to my mom about it. Sean was not happy that I did this and he thought my parents would look at him differently. He decided and I agreed that he should leave. He packed up all his stuff at 12 that night and left, he said he didn't want to face anybody.
Fast forward to now, 3 weeks later. He is really sorry for what he did, he wants us back and will do anything it takes. I was so hurt after he left, I couldn't believe what he did. Technically he wasn't cheating but how long would it have been before it got to that point. After he left, I did start seeing how unhappy we were and how many things bugged me about him, that before I accepted and that now drive me insane. I have been so much happier without him and I realized I may love him, but I don't want to be with him. He is trying so hard and it makes me feel bad because nothing he can do will change my mind. I don't know how I will tell him that I don't want to get back together. I know that I shouldn't feel as bad as I do because he is the one that did this, but it is almost like I will look like the bad guy for making the decision.
