Bring it

My mommy site has decided to have a "Hotter then Summer Weight Loss Challenge" that I have decided to partake in. I am and I WILL suceed in losing some weight. I created the banner for everyone, and I must say, It came out awesome.

I have become obsessed with this picture editing site. I am sure there are better ones out there, but this one is free and lets me do pretty much everything I know how to. I am not really all that crafty, although I have considered possibly attempting scrap booking and photography. So we will see how that goes. I am tired of being a lazy butt when I get home from work. I want to have energy to do my laundry, take the dog for a walk, clean up the house a little. Instead, I currently get home from work, snuggle with my bean and play for a little bit, give him his bath and night time bottle and he is off to bed. Then I either watch my shows or read until I pass out around 9. I am no better on the weekends. No wonder I can't lose any weight.

Short sale

It is that time again where we are going to try an attempt at selling our house. The market is crap right now so the realtor's recommended we do a short sale. Which I think may be the best option. Yes, we are obviously not going to make any money off of it, and will most likely end up still owing, but I would rather this happen then end up having to foreclose on the property. We had renters in it for the past year, and we could have continued to rent it, but we are struggling even with the renters there, so I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Sean told me a couple weeks ago that he was probably going to get laid off from the Bakery. I have every intention of separating our bills, because I make enough to cover my expenses, but I have been trying to get everything caught up before this happens. Of course, I am not going to be able to do this if Sean is laid off. He lived in WA with me for a year and never got off his butt to find a better job, so I don't have high hopes in him finding one there. All he seems to do is give himself a pity party about how nothing ever works out for him and says he is stupid. I hate this attitude. Life is what you make it, if you want to have a good job and make more money, go and get it! He is not stupid, he just needs someone else to make all of his decisions. I told him I am not going to that anymore. I have way to much to handle right now then to figure out what he wants to do with his life.

There I go, off on another rant. I better end it here before I think of something else to complain about.

Running away

I want to run away. Away from this crappy thing that I am calling my life right now. I want to take Logan and start over. I hate being stuck living with my parents, I hate that my marriage is in shambles and that my "other half" is not helping me in anyway besides telling me, "I am all ready giving you my entire paycheck." He apparently is oblivious to the fact that I am paying ALL of the bills, so ofcourse you are going to give me your paycheck. Doesn't help that he spends whatever money he wants when he wants to, which in return causes me to fall further behind on our bills. I HATE that I am a month behind on our mortgage, credit cards, cell phone, insurance and car payments. I hate that my credit is so shot that even in the off chance that I may be able to get my own place in the next year I wont be able to get approved for it. I HATE that I am not appreciated at my job. Yes, I may not have been the best person to work with when I was pregnant, but I work my ASS off. I didn't take my 6 weeks maternity leave that I, by law, could have taken, I worked the week I had Logan and every week there after. Did I get noticed for that, NO! I got the smallest raise out of everyone at the last review because of my communication. Do my bossess see that I make litte to no mistakes, which is a pretty big deal when your title is "Accounting Manager," no they don't. They see the small select few mistakes I make and remember it for review time. I am not perfect by any means, but I deserve a lot more appreciation then I get.

I don't hate my life, I just hate where I am in my life right now. The only good thing I have going is my baby boy, and I thank God for him everyday. I also want to note that I appreciate my parents and for helping me. I only hate that I am stuck there, I am a grown women and need my own space.

End Rant. For now anyway.

My weekend...

Was spend working. Blah! Not my ideal weekend, but after missing 4 days of work last week and a high car payment on the horizon I didn't have much of a choice. I will give myself credit for the amount of hours I worked both days. Usually if I come in on the weekends I get maybe a couple hours here and there before I quit and go home, but I worked 12 hours on Saturday and 9 hours on Sunday. At least now the car payment can be made!

After leaving work on Sunday I ran to Target to pick up some rice cereal and a couple thick liquid nipples for Bean. We are gonna try some of that to see if it helps with the diarrhea, which has not yet stopped since he got sick. Then I went and hung out for about an hour with Ally. I kept thinking while I was there that I can't believe she is actually here. I love the fact that I can call her and say, "Hey, I am by your house," to which she replies, "COOL, wanna stop by." I have been stuck in my house and work pretty much the whole time I have lived here, aside from my few escapes up to Puyallup to hang out with Georgia. She definitely made the move and adjusting SO much easier, and I don't think I would have survived like I did if I had not met her.

Now I am back to work for the week, and I am sooo exhausted.

There is no Falangee?

Yes, that really is my blog name. I am so not creative enough to come up with something witty or intelligent. So, for those of you who do not watch Friends the quote comes from none other than Miss Phoebe Buffay.

I am an avid Friends watcher. I own all 10 seasons on DVD and watch them constantly. I even giggle if a commercial comes on showing the next Friends episode. Lame? Maybe, but when I am having a bad day it cheers me up in no time.

Birth Story...

This is about 5 months over due, but I have yet to write it down anywhere else, and as the months pass the events get more blurry.

My due date was October 16, 2009. Three weeks before my due date, I went to the Doctor for my normal weekly checkup. It was my first internal exam and I was pretty excited to see if I was all ready progressing. Come to find out, I was all ready 3 cm dilated. Doctor stated all we needed now was to wait for the contractions. Another 3 weeks pass by and not even one contract, that I could feel anyway. I went in for my last Doctor appointment before my Due date, which was on a Friday (my appointment was on Tuesday), still only dilated to a three and not much else going on down there. After the appointment, my Doctor said we would go ahead and plan for me to be induced the following Monday, October 19, 2009. If you had read my other posts, you will see this was indeed the day Logan was to be born. I had not felt any contractions before my induction date so I was still oblivious to how they felt. I was told to call the hospital 2 hours before the induction time to ensure they had room. I was to be induced at 8:30 am. I was so nervous and excited, but also worried that when I called they would tell me they didn't have room and I would have to wait. That morning I woke up at 6 to make sure I was awake and alert enough to call at 6:30. My parents were all ready awake and I was in a shy mood so I hid in the bathroom when I called so nobody heard me. My stomach jumped when they said "Oh yeah, come right in we are ready for you." I took a couple deep breaths and told myself "This is it, this is what you have been waiting 9 months for." Logan is my first, and for the entire 9 months I fanticized about what he would look like, how his cry sounds, etc. It also never felt real. I was never able to picture myself pregnant and when I got pregnant I couldn't picture myself as a mom.

My mom was scheduled to has a hysterectomy the same day so she was not going to be able to be in the delivery room with me, so my sister promised to be there. She met us at the hospital at about 8:20 and we all went in together. I checked in, and they took me to my birthing room. I stripped down and got into my nice little hospital gown and waited for the nurse. She came in around 9 and got me hooked up to the IV to start the fluids.

My mom came in and said Hi before she had to check in upstairs. My dad arrived shortly after as well to say Hi. My sister and dad were going between floors to check on me and my mom. It was not so fun for them to have us both in the hospital. At 10 the nurse came in and started me on pitocin to get the contractions going. For the next hour I started to feel slight cramping but nothing serious. At 11 the on call doctor came in and broke my water to see if we could speed things up. I would say that about 12 to 1 I started having steady contractions and they were getting stronger and stronger. I was dilating pretty quickly so we were positive it was not going to take too long. I hit 7 cm at I would guess around 2 and decided to get the epidural. Contraction pains are pretty much just really bad mentrual cramps, and I honestly believe I would have been able to do it without the epidural if I had not been induced. Because I was induced I had to sit in bed the entire time to be monitored which to me made it much harder, because when you are just sitting there the pain is all you can really focus on. When I was able to sit up for the epidural and move around a bit, it really helped. The epidural did help the pain tremendously but it did not work completely as I still felt every contraction and had to breath through them. I was actaully pretty happy about that because I wanted to experience as much as possible. I started feeling a lot of pressure, it felt like I had to take a really big poo. Sorry for the TMI, but it's true. I was fully dilated and ready to push at about 4:30. I startd with practice pushes. While doing these the nurse kept leaving the room, which we thought was funny. She was getting everything ready for baby, and would come in and check my progress every couple of minutes. I pushed for a total of about 1 hour and Logan Scott was born at 5:23 pm on October 19, 2009. As soon as he came out, they put him on my chest. He was very warm and I just hugged him and said, He is real! It was an amazing moment and even now it seems like a distant memory, almost like it never happened. He was perfectly healthy weighing 8 lb 5 oz and 20.5 inches long. My perfect baby boy.

Emotions, what emotions?

It has been 5 months since I had Logan, and I still feel just as emotional as I did when I was pregnant. Well, maybe not AS emotional but pretty darn close. I know my co-workers have seen a change as I am not biting their heads off everyday anymore. Little things still seem to get me going though, either in a good way or a bad way.

Having a baby really opens up your heart in many amazing ways. Before I had Logan I would watch "A Baby Story" and other shows that had to do with having kids (I had really bad baby fever) and it would just make me really want a baby but never really brought on any emotion. Now that I have Logan and I watch those shows I always end up crying. It amazes me everyday how much more my heart is growing as he gets older. Yesterday he was napping when I got home from working a 12 hour day, and when he started to stir I leaned over to say Hello and he gave me a small smile and reached up and touched my face. He just stared into my eyes with his hands on my cheeks. I live for these moments. When nothing else in the world matters but your adorable little boy.

Logan has been sick the past few days. I came down with a mild case of the stomach flu on Monday and my poor baby caught it. He started throwing up on Tuesday. It only lasted until that evening, but that is also when the diarrhea started. He was such a good boy through it all, but his poor mommy is so over poop. He seems to finanlly be recovering from the diarrhea, and I have my fingers crossed for confirmation on that when I get home from work.